Not long ago, T.I., a well-known Black rapper in the U.S. whose real name is Clifford Joseph Harris Jr., caused much controversy. He appeared in an interview on the “Ladies Like Us” podcast. He disclosed in public that he had requested that his teenage daughter’s doctor do a “virginity check,” which entailed examining her hymen. Despite the gynecologist’s remarks that an unbroken hymen does not conclusively indicate virginity, taking into consideration factors like vigorous physical activities, T.I. was adamant about his request, wanting them to “simply check the hymen and quickly supply him with the results.”
T.I.’s statements sparked discussions on how parents, particularly in the Black community, should approach and discuss sexuality with their teenagers. While some agreed with him, claiming he was only being a protective father, others opined that he went too far, invading his daughter’s privacy. Whatever people felt, it got people thinking about how parents should discuss sexuality with their teenagers.
Moreover, it highlighted how society perceives virginity and sexuality, particularly in Black communities, and how it is still a taboo area. This case demonstrates the importance of parents creating a positive atmosphere to discuss such topics.
Empowering Connections: Why You Need to Create Safe Spaces to Discuss Sexuality with Your Teen
According to research, roughly 92 percent of Black youths have had their first sexual encounter during adolescence. On average, Black American youths first engage in sexual activity at 15.3 years old, whereas White teens do so at 16.2 years old.
Parents and family members play critical roles in teenagers’ “sexual socialization,” which refers to how youngsters adopt attitudes and ideals about exploring their bodies and sexuality. While most of the studies on sexual socialization in Black families have concentrated on sexual risk behaviors, it is critical to be proactive in assisting your teen in understanding the changes in their bodies and developing sexuality.
Some potential risks for teens who lack guidance in understanding their bodies and sexuality include:
- Emotional and mental turmoil
- Dating violence and sexual abuse
- Sexually transmitted infections
- Early pregnancy
Talking to Your Teen About Sexuality
It’s reasonable that you could feel awkward or embarrassed talking about sex with your teen if you grew up in a home where sex was considered a taboo subject. Perhaps when you asked questions about sex, your parents chastised or reprimanded you, making you not prepared to ask again.
You may also be concerned about stereotypes that depict Black people as hypersexual or having loose morals. Avoiding all sex-related talks may appear to be a way to protect your adolescent from these damaging thoughts. Hence, you may be concerned about perpetuating stereotypes or exposing your teen to harmful messages about Black sexuality.
It’s also likely that you didn’t receive thorough sex education yourself and were raised with incorrect or damaging ideas about sex. Without positive representation or guidance, it is expected that you might feel ill-equipped to talk to your teen about sex. It is also possible that you struggle with feelings of fear, over-protection, or reluctance to address the topic, especially with your teen daughter.
Sure, discussing sex with your teen may feel unpleasant, but it is a vital obligation as a parent. By starting these conversations early and keeping them going, you are building a solid foundation for your teen to have healthy views regarding sexuality throughout their lives.
How to Break the Ice and Talk About Sexuality with Your Teen
Discussing sex might be difficult, but neglecting the subject entirely is considerably more harmful. Sexual material is ubiquitous in today’s environment, from news coverage to entertainment, social media, and advertising, and you may use its widespread availability to start and continue talks about sexuality with your adolescent. Here are some suggestions:
- Seize the moment. Seize everyday moments like car rides, meals, and watching T.V. to initiate conversations about sexuality with your teen.
- Utilize media as teachable opportunities. Leverage how sexuality is portrayed in the media to start a conversation with your adolescent. Use films, T.V. series, and other media to discuss issues like consent, relationships, and sex well-being.
- Talk early and often. Start talking early, before they’re teens, and keep the conversation going as they grow up.
- Consider your teen’s perspective. Steer clear of rigid lectures and fear-based strategies, which might impede open communication.
- Listen actively. Let them share what they think and feel about sex.
- Create safe spaces: Create an environment where your teen feels comfortable discussing sexuality without fear of judgment or criticism.
- Avoid assumptions: Don’t assume that your child knows a lot about sex or is having sex right now. Provide factual information and clear up any misconceptions they may have.
- Invite more talks. Encourage your teen to feel comfortable discussing sex with you whenever they have questions or concerns. Show appreciation for their openness by responding positively, saying, “I’m glad you trust me,” when they initiate these conversations.
Critical Discussions: Essential Topics in Conversations About Sexuality with Your Teen
As a Black family, your discussions with your teen should include more than just the dangers of risky sex and the objectification of Black bodies, especially among Black females. Maintaining the discourse about sexual health at home is crucial, even if your adolescent receives some information about it at school. Here are some key areas to consider while addressing sexuality with your adolescent:
Focus on addressing sexual stereotypes.
Cultural biases commonly portray Black people as excessively sexual or promiscuous, which can put pressure on a teenager to live up to these misconceptions. Consequently, Black teens tend to start having sex sooner, take part in risky sexual activities, or have multiple sexual partners. It is critical to openly have a conversation about these issues, dispel myths, and promote healthy self-esteem and body image in your teen.
Teach them what good relationships should look like
Talk about the significance of positive, mutually beneficial relationships, emphasizing principles like consent, good communication, and respect for one another. Tell them what you expect out of a good relationship and sex, considering the cultural and societal influences they may encounter.
Speak facts
Give accurate information about HIV/STD testing, abstaining from sex, the use of condoms and contraceptives, and measures to avoid pregnancy and HIV tailored to the experiences of Black teens.
Teach them about the risks associated with hypersexualization
Talk to your child about the negative impacts of hyper-sexualization, which is really common in Black communities, the media, and pop culture. Give them the resources they need to see their self-worth, set up appropriate boundaries, and spot abuse or coercion so they may cultivate healthy relationships.
Shade some light on systemic inequities
Talk to your adolescent about the structural injustices that prevent Black people from accessing necessary resources, healthcare services, and education related to sexual health. Give them the skills and information they need to successfully negotiate these obstacles so they can speak out for what they want around sexual health in their own neighborhoods.
The Bottomline
Yes! Most Black families struggle to broach the topic of sex with their teenagers, fearing they might inadvertently reinforce negative stereotypes or feel uneasy about addressing this “taboo” area. But for your teenager to feel comfortable with their sexual health and make wise choices, it’s imperative that they have open discussions about sex. Start the conversation now!
Further Reading:
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article
https://www.guttmacher.org/journals
