Divorce is a challenging, and emotionally draining experience. It is something I will never wish on anyone. Unfortunately, divorce is a common phenomenon, irrespective of one’s cultural, ethnic, or racial background. Within the Black community, divorce can be particularly complex due to unique cultural dynamics and societal pressures. This has led various Black families to suffer emotionally, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and even financially. According to the US Census Bureau 2020 American Community Survey 5-year estimates, it is discovered that 12% of Black Americans who married ended in divorce.
Many reasons could lead to divorce, and every situation is unique, especially in Black families. Every Black couple’s journey and decision to divorce is influenced by various factors specific to their relationships, which could be communication breakdown, infidelity, financial challenges, lack of intimacy, abuse and toxic behavior, incompatibility, and even cultural or religious differences. But in this article, we will not dwell much on that; rather, we will discuss how to find peace of mind and navigate this difficult period.
1. Prioritize Self Care
Self-care is a matter of great importance; you have to take good care of your physical, mental, and emotional well-being. Divorce has been known to lead to untimely death, especially for Black couples who have stayed together for a long time before divorce. This could be attributed to being in an unfamiliar situation where you are alone without your partner. So, to navigate this trying time, you need to engage in activities that bring you joy and help you relax. You can practice meditation, exercise, or choose some hobbies to be engrossed in. Nurturing yourself is essential during this difficult time, especially if you are over 50.
2. Seek Emotional Support
It is important to seek emotional support in divorce. You need to know and understand that no one is an island. We, as humans, are inherently social beings and cannot thrive or exist in isolation. We rely on connections, relationships with others for support, and companionship. We are interconnected to others in our lives and rely on those connections for our well-being and happiness. If you find yourself divorced, you need to reach out to friend’s families, or support groups who can provide understanding and empathy, that your physical, mental, and emotional state needs to stay active. In addition, share your feelings and concerns openly. Don’t try to bottle it up. Allowing yourself to lean on others for support will help you recover quickly and find lasting peace of mind.
3. Practice Self-Reflection and Growth
As bad as you might think divorce is, it presents an opportunity for self-reflection and personal growth. Take the time to reflect on what you learned from the relationship and the divorce process. Try to engage in introspection and identify areas for personal development. This could involve setting new goals, exploring new interests, or engaging in therapy to heal past wounds and build resilience in divorce. Embracing personal growth can empower you to move forward and find peace of mind.
4. Embrace Cultural Identity and Community
It is good to embrace our Black cultural identity and engage with the community to find solace and support, which is one of our strong cultural values- being there for one another. The Black community offers several sources of support that help decrease the adverse effects of divorce on our health.
Even though a tiny aspect of our Black cultural heritage is responsible for the high rate of divorce, we as a Black community boast of rich positive cultural values that we can draw from, some of which are our strong sense of community can be invaluable, the strong family bond which is highly valued in our race, our resilience and perseverance, spirituality, and faith all of which helps us find strength and comfort.
5. Set Clear Boundaries
The last thing you want is to fall into a situation twice. However, most of the time, it happens, and there is only so much you can do. For you to protect your mental and emotional well-being, it is vital to set boundaries. Establish clear boundaries with your ex-spouse. Communicate your needs and expectations regarding communications, personal space, and co-parenting, especially if you have kids in the marriage. This situation needs to be discussed maturely and with openness so you don’t drag your kids into conflicts, and develop emotional or mental stress.
6. You Can Still Remain Friends
While it’s true that your love for your ex-spouse may have diminished since the marriage ended, it doesn’t mean that you’ll suddenly stop caring about them.
You don’t have to cut all connections the moment the Decree Absolute is finalized; keeping a friendship going after a divorce is feasible. After all, you’ve likely spent the past few years supporting each other. You might want to keep a cordial relationship that will benefit everyone involved, especially if you have children together or share many shared acquaintances.
7. Practice Gratitude and Journaling
As a Black divorcee, it is a good thing to cultivate a mindset of gratitude by focusing on the positive aspects of your life. Expressing gratitude for the good things, no matter how small, can help shift your perspective and bring peace of mind. In addition, writing down your thoughts and emotions can be a therapeutic way to process your feelings. Journaling allows you to reflect, gain clarity, and release any pent-up emotions you might have bottled up for a long time.
8. Embrace New Beginnings
Beginnings can be incredibly exciting! Whether it is a project, a relationship, a job, or an adventure, it often brings a sense of anticipation, enthusiasm, and possibility. Beginnings offer a fresh start, a chance to explore new opportunities, potential growth, and success. Embrace the opportunity for a fresh start and focus on creating a fulfilling future. Set new goals, explore new interests, and envision the life you want to build for yourself beyond divorce. Remember, finding peace of mind in divorce sometimes takes time, patience, and self-compassion.
9. Seek Professional Help
Suppose you feel your emotional state is beyond your control. In that case, you should consider seeking guidance from certified therapists or divorce coaches who specialize in supporting individuals in Black communities through the divorce process. They can provide valuable insights and coping strategies and help you navigate divorce’s legal and emotional aspects.
Divorce is a lengthy process. It’s a struggle that sometimes feels hopeless, full of emotional ups and downs and many missteps, and it may be brutally painful at times. But overall, be kind to yourself and allow yourself to heal and grow through this process. By taking all these measures, you can successfully navigate this challenging period and emerge stronger and more resilient.
Further reading
https://mhanational.org/separation-and-divorce
https://www.relconsultants.com/blog/2019/11/3/seven-ways-to-inner-peace-after-divorce
https://gabriellehartley.com/5-ways-to-have-a-peaceful-divorce-without-losing-your-mind/
https://separ8.co.uk/tips-advice/how-to-heal-and-start-rebuilding-your-life-after-divorce/
https://divorce.com/blog/divorce-statistics/#:~:text=In%202018%2C%20there%20were%2031,%25%20for%20Hispanic%2Dorigin%20women. https://www.census.gov/content/dam/Census/library/publications/2021/demo/p70-167.pdf
https://www.census.gov/library/stories/2023/07/marriage-divorce-rates.html
