Talking Sexual Health With Black Girls

“If you get pregnant, you’re leaving this house.”

This statement pretty much sums up the sexual health conversations my sisters and I had with our parents as teen girls. Beyond that warning, I learned about sex from textbooks, classroom lessons, romance novels I secretly hid in closets to read, television, teen boys and young men who tried to take advantage of my naivety, and, eventually, social media.

Stigma related to sexual health is deeply rooted in the Black community and psyche. I’ve seen it, and lived it. Unfortunately, not much has changed. Conversations about sexual health are still surrounded by cultural stigma, misinformation, discomfort, and silence.

As an adult, I eventually asked my mom why she avoided conversations about sexual health with my sisters and me. Her response aligns with findings published by the Talk Institute and the University of Rhode Island. She feared that discussing sex with us could encourage us to want to try it. Her strong moral and religious beliefs also made her uncomfortable to discuss because it felt like a taboo. Like her parents before her, she believed that instilling fear would be the safest approach.

While the intentions of parents, caregivers, and communities may be genuine, such beliefs and avoidances of sexual discussions leave young girls confused, develop low self-esteem, and become vulnerable to unhealthy relationships and health risks.

Some parents may be willing to have ‘the talk’ with their young daughters but struggle because they don’t know when, why, or how to go about sex and sexuality topics with their girls. Also, many parents are not in sync with the time and age they are in.

For these conversations to be effective, parents in the Black community must understand the influence that social media, the internet, and celebrities have on Gen Z girls. It’s time we realized that sexual health conversations provide accurate information, promote safety, foster confidence, and help our daughters make informed decisions.

Understanding Consent and Boundaries

Consent is a clear, voluntary, and informed agreement between two individuals to participate in a sexual activity. Hence, every Black girl must know that consent and personal boundaries are their right, and they are in control of their own body.

Sadly, in the Black community, we grew up with mixed messages about pleasing others and respecting authority figures like males. Many of us grew up finding it difficult to speak up when we felt uncomfortable, and many young Black girls are still in the same boat today.

Several studies suggest that 1 in every 4 Black girls will be sexually abused before they reach the age of 18, and nearly 1 in every 5 women end up surviving rape. Despite these figures, Black women have reported only 20% of rape cases compared to 80% reported by Whites.

With open conversations about consent, Black girls will learn that:

they have the right to say NO at any time
their boundaries deserve RESPECT
silence does NOT equal consent
consent can be withdrawn at any moment
healthy relationships involve mutual respect and communication

This conversation must begin early in the girl’s life, as well as their male counterparts, so that, as they grow, evolve, and mature, they carry this awareness with them. We often limit consent to romantic relationships, but it should not end there. Consent should also apply to friendships, family interactions, and any everyday situation where boundaries are needed.

Body Changes and Reproductive Health

While different girls may experience puberty differently, some things are constant. It is a confusing and frightening experience, most especially for young girls who have not been adequately prepared for the physical and often emotional changes that come with it.

Reports indicate that girls from low-income families in the US are mostly unprepared for puberty, which affects them negatively during their transition. Every Black girl deserves age-appropriate and accurate information during this period of transition that includes:

menstruation and menstrual health
hormonal changes
breast development
body image changes
vaginal health
reproductive anatomy
fertility and pregnancy

When the Black community doesn’t make it part of her culture to have these conversations with our girls, they will keep turning to social media and friends, where myths and misinformation are the order of the day.

STIs, Pregnancy Prevention, and Protection

STIs, pregnancy prevention, and protection are three of the most difficult things that many parents find difficult to discuss with their daughters. However, not discussing them doesn’t prevent sexual activity. Instead, it leaves young girls vulnerable and unprepared when they face situations involving relationships and intimacy.

Having sex conversations helps girls learn how to prevent unwanted pregnancy and STIs. Your teen girls should know:

the need to practice safe sex
how STIs are transmitted
common symptoms and warning signs
the importance of regular health screenings
methods of contraception
how condoms help prevent both STIs and unintended pregnancies

Providing nonjudgmental, fact-based information will help our Black daughters make decisions going forward based on knowledge rather than fear, myths, rumors, or peer pressure.

Media, Social Pressure, and Self-Worth

The world is now a global village, where social media, advertising, popular culture, and entertainment influence many girls more than women from the Black community.

Sadly, many of the messages from these media promote unrealistic beauty standards, sexuality, and relationships. In the bid to meet these standards, some of our girls now resort to plastic surgery. Some media stereotypes portray Black girls as less innocent and more sexual compared to their white counterparts, which has affected:

self-esteem
body image
relationship expectations

Therefore, there is a need for ongoing sexual education, not a one-time thing, as the media messaging is always evolving. The dialogue should grow with the girls’ age, understanding, experience, and digital age. For effectiveness, it should be:

honest
age-appropriate
respectful
nonjudgmental
culturally sensitive
based on accurate information

Elevate Black Health recommends that the Black community encourage trusted adults to create an environment where questions on sexual health are welcomed. In doing so, our girls are more likely to turn to the community for answers rather than to the internet, where lies, myths, stereotypes, and misinformation are the currency of trade.