LifeWire reports that 83% of homeless children have experienced at least one serious violent event, with 1 out of 15 children exposed to intimate partner violence every year. 15% of this violence is in the home where they live.
A home is supposed to be the safest place for children, a place where they feel loved, protected, and secure. But this has become a luxury that only a handful of Black children are afforded. Blacks account for 45% of homicide-related domestic violence victims in New York, but only make up less than 13% of the population.
According to Connections for Abused Women and their Children, Blacks experience the highest rates of domestic violence, with the National Domestic Violence Hotline reporting that almost 3 in 10 women in the US are victims of rape, physical violence, or stalking by a partner.
To further understand how bad domestic violence has eaten into the fabric of our community, research shows that 57.6% of Black men experience domestic violence when compared to 44% of their white counterparts. Meanwhile, 53.6% of Black women experience domestic violence when compared to 48.4% of white women. The research further showed that Black women are almost 3 times more likely to be murdered through domestic violence than their white counterparts.
To further compound the issue, domestic violence not only affects the adults in the relationship but also has a long-lasting effect on the children who hear, see, or live around such an environment. Many times, these children may not have broken bones or bruises. But the experience of these events leaves many of them emotionally and psychologically devastated, which may affect their future relationships.
Violence Can Follow a Child Into School
Yes, it can. I wasn’t told this or read about it in any article or research; I saw the toll it had on my best friend, Julie (not a real name), in 8th grade. At that early age, I knew that a child couldn’t always leave domestic violence at their front door before coming to school. In many instances, they carry it into the classroom, just like Julie did.
It started with Julie sleeping through lessons and, many times, copying my homework because she couldn’t do hers at home. While many, including teachers, wondered about the sudden change in a girl who was once brilliant and full of life, I was the only one who had a clue about the emotional and psychological pains she was going through.
The next things that followed were:
- Falling grades
- Poor concentration
- Aggressive behavior
- Anxiety
- Withdrawal
- Frequent absence from school
- Difficulty trusting
- Sudden change in personality
Julie suddenly left school after her parents separated and had to move with her mother to another state.
Today, when I remembered Julie, I understood that the bad attitude she showed in her last days at school was because of trauma, the laziness was exhaustion, and her disobedience to teachers was her struggling to regulate her emotions.
“But the Child Wasn’t Hit”
“But the Child Wasn’t Hit” is one of the most dangerous misunderstandings in the Black community as regards domestic violence.
The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry estimates that between 3 million and 10 million children and adolescents witness domestic violence in their home, and Black children are at the top of this chain.
The child may be sitting in a quiet corner of the room when the argument becomes physical; they may hear a parent screaming from the bedroom, or even see the police come to the house, or sometimes see their mother with swollen eyes the next morning.
Everything may seem fine; the child was never touched, and the house becomes quiet for a time, but the child’s brain may never go quiet. The child may wonder:
- “Was the fight my fault?”
- “Why didn’t Mom leave?”
- “Why does Dad act like this?”
- “Will someone hurt us tonight?”
- “Will my family ever be normal?”
As these questions build up, they shape how the child understands love, relationships, and safety.
Also, research from the University of Arizona and a publication from the Office of Women’s Health show that children who witness domestic violence or are victims are at a higher risk of experiencing physical and mental health problems. Many of these children will eventually be violent in their relationships in the future.
Mental problems may include:
- Low self-esteem
- Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
- Depression and anxiety
Physical health conditions to expect are:
- Impaired brain development
- Chronic health issues
Behavioral and social challenges can include:
- Repeating the cycle of abuse
- Substance abuse
- Relationship and trust issues
- Academic and legal trouble
Suspect a Child is Living with Domestic Violence?
Domestic violence thrives in the Black community because it is often surrounded by silence. We don’t like embarrassing our family or bringing family business outside, fearing it will destroy the family’s reputation.
Sometimes family members would know but choose silence; victims are tired of the abuse but stay in the relationship because of consequences like:
- Retaliation
- Financial stability
- Involvement of people or systems they do not trust
- Losing child custody
But protecting family reputation should not come at the expense of protecting children. Keeping silent has never protected the child from trauma; rather, it leaves the child alone with it.
Here are 5 things to do if you suspect a child is living with domestic violence:
- Prioritize the child’s safety: If you find out a child is in immediate danger, contact local emergency services. Avoid confronting the suspected abuser.
- Let the child speak freely: If a child who is being abused speaks to you, listen, reassure them, and do not press for details they aren’t ready to share.
- Reach out to a trusted adult or professional: A trusted person in this case could be a school counselor, child-protection service, healthcare professional, or a domestic-violence advocate.
- Ensure the non-abusive parent accesses support: Find a way to speak with the non-abusive parent and offer access to confidential domestic violence services.
- Provide continuous support: Trauma tends to affect a child’s learning and behavior over time. It also affects who the child chooses to trust. Encourage them to keep getting guidance from qualified professionals. Don’t hesitate to report any concerns you might have to the right authorities.
We need a serious conversation in Black churches, community centers, schools, families, and homes that makes it crystal clear that asking for help is not a weakness. We’ll also need to have honest conversations and access to effective resources if we must break this cycle of violence in our community.
“Home should be where children feel safe enough to sleep, learn, grow, and become who they were meant to be.”
Visit These Sites to Learn More:
Elevate Black Health. Black Women Coping with Violence and Trauma. https://www.elevateblackhealth.com/black-women-coping-with-violence-and-trauma/
New York City. The Intersection of Domestic Violence, Race/Ethnicity, and Sex. https://www.nyc.gov/assets/ocdv/downloads/pdf/ENDGBV-Intersection-DV-Race-ethnicity-Sex.pdf
Connections for Abused Women and their Children (CAWC). Who Is Most Affected by Domestic Violence? https://www.cawc.org/news/who-is-most-affected-by-domestic-violence/
National Domestic Violence Hotline. Domestic Violence Statistics – The Hotline. https://www.thehotline.org/stakeholders/domestic-violence-statistics/#:~:text=Women%20ages%2018%20to%2024,rates%20of%20intimate%20partner%20violence
MyPlan. Impact of Domestic Violence on the Black Community. https://myplanapp.org/blog/impact-of-domestic-violence-on-the-black-community
Lifewire. Domestic Violence by the Numbers. https://www.lifewire.org/community-advocacy/dv-by-the-numbers/
The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry. Domestic Violence and Children. https://aacap.org/AACAP/AACAP/Families_and_Youth/Facts_for_Families/FFF-Guide/Helping-Children-Exposed-to-Domestic-Violence-109.aspx
Elevate Black Health. Teen Health: Confronting Domestic Violence Among Black Teens. https://www.elevateblackhealth.com/teen-health-confronting-domestic-violence-among-black-teens/
College of Medicine, Tucson (APAL). Domestic Violence and Its Impact on Health. https://apal.arizona.edu/domestic-violence-and-its-impact-health
The Office on Women’s Health (OWH). Effects of domestic violence on children | Office on Women’s Health. https://womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-safety/domestic-violence/effects-domestic-violence-childre
